I told him not to do anything stupid while I was gone. I was only home one day before I get a phone call that he’s been rushed to the hospital with a concussion and a broken leg when he fell down the stairs because he was drunk. I’m getting a diamond necklace out of this.
I don’t care how childish it sounds, I still giggle when a girl tells me her name is “Porn.”
Overheard on the BTS by Sukhumvit Snake
Arguing with a Thai woman is like slamming your hand in a car door. Except less fun.
Overheard in Thai restaurant on Soi 14 by Alex
You ever notice that when Thai girls are on Facebook they never mention names? Like, “I miss you so much, my love,” or “Can’t wait until you get back.” You can’t tell me there’s not a reason they keep everything generic.
Kimmy: You should have seen him. He was so sexy. They way he move round. But I asked him slow down cause I drop my load to quick.
Stu: Load? What load?
Kimmy: Oh, you know. My sperms.
Stu: Uh…your English is off. You’re talking about my sperms. Your sperms aren’t from…
Kimmy: From my balls.
Phil: Hold on! Back up.
Stu: Uh…wait. Are…are you…?
[Kimmy takes off her robe]
Kimmy: Hey, you in Bangkok sweetie. There’s a reason they don’t call it Bangcunt.
[she turns around to reveal her penis]
Stu: Woh! Oh, God!
Phil: Wow!
Alan: I don’t get it. Is this a magic show?
Hangover 2
Thai women, in fact all women, are like condoms. They spend way more time in your wallet than they do on your dick.
Girl (walking past Prada): I love that bag. Why don’t you buy me a bag like that?
Guy: I would love to have a threesome with you and your sister. Sometimes we have to live with life’s little disappointments.
Overheard Siam Paragon
Girl: Which shirt do you think I should get, red or black?
Guy: Whichever one you want.
Girl: I want your opinion. Which one do you like?
Guy: I like the black one.
Girl (now with pouty face): I don’t like the black one.
Guy: Then don’t ask. Don’t ask me to pick one and then get mad when I pick one.
Girl: I don’t like shopping with you.
Guy: You think I’m having a fun time?
Overheard in Siam Square
I was thinking about taking her back home to the US to live but I didn’t want to have a “My wife is an honor student at George Washington high school” bumper sticker on the back of my car.
You may have noticed that I have a bit of an Asian fetish
– Guy to his friend at Tilac Bar on Soi Cowboy